Close Encounters

Fraters reader Tim writes in with a Gawker-like celebrity sighting. Of a gawky celebrity, no less, from right in here in St. Paul:

I was getting my hair cut the other day at Great Clips on Cleveland Avenue and Ford Parkway (artist sketch of the general location) and I saw Garrison Keillor walking into the Highland Theater with his daughter to watch Shrek 2. Our fine partisan friend, was wearing a gray sport coat, t-shirt, jeans, and red shoes (very strange). I wouldn't say his hair was combed, big glasses.

The only way I knew it was him was because he looked so odd. He is the goofiest looking dude I have ever seen. I don't think he said anything, his daughter just kind of hopped/skipped along/around him as they headed in the movie (artist sketch of Keillor entering the movie theater).

The thing I'd like old Garrison to explain is if Norm Coleman is such a "hollow man" why was he elected twice to be mayor of St. Paul? Our fine neighbors can be described as lots of things, Republican ain't one of them.

I don't think Keillor is the least bit funny either. That's one of those things where you wonder if some of these DFLers are from another planet. And those red shoes. Bizarre.

A chilling tale (and just one of the reason I stay away from Great Clips). I was prepared to chalk up Tim's speculation of Keillor and the DFLers as extraterrestrials to irresponsible rhetoric. But in the course of Googling for a map of the Cleveland-Ford Parkway district of St. Paul, I ran across a report of perhaps the oddest thing sighted at that intersection until Garrison Keillor showed up. A real live UFO sighting, from 1997. (From which, I must admit, I lifted all the artist sketches used in this post. With that admission goes my Bloggy Award for Best Graphic Design in a Post Featuring a Publicly Subsidized Radio Humorist and a Discount Hair Salon.)

Based on the overwhelming preponderance of this half-assed, circumstantial evidence and hearsay, only one question remains. Is Garrison Keillor an alien or just an obsessive fan of the work of Zalman King?

Either way, for our legal protection, I think the following disclaimer applies (again lifted from the UFO sighting report, with a few strategic word replacements).

No additional witnesses are known to FRATERS LIBERTAS. However, the sighting occurred in a populated area. It is therefore likely that there were other witnesses to this ALLEGED HUMORIST. The witness also indicated that several other people were in the GREAT CLIPS when he was there. However, he indicated that felt uncomfortable with the idea of bringing a possible GARRISON KEILLOR sighting to the attention of these particular strangers.

I can understand Tim's hesitance in calling out this sighting, you wouldn't want to start a panic. But as he proves, the truth is out there. I just never thought it would be found in Great Clips.

Thanks for the report Tim. And remember, trust no one.