The Perils Of Fame

Many of the would be pundits in the blogosphere fantasize about what it would be like to turn their oddball obsession into a full time career. To be paid for the words of wit and wisdom that spring forth from their keyboards. To be a real honest to goodness writer. To be a columnist for a major daily newspaper.

But my friends you should be warned. Not all that glitters is gold. Sometimes the price that must be paid to maintain such a prominent position in the media hierarchy is high, and leads one to ponder if the gain is truly worth the pain.

This morning my wife asked if the Star Tribune was having a hard time selling advertising. I was aware of no such difficulties at the local news organ and asked what brought on that particular query. She replied, "Well, they've got a half page ad for Lileks in today's Variety section."

And indeed they did. I would have scanned it for your viewing pleasure, but it does takes up half a page of newspaper after all. It's fargin' huge.

The ad is titled 'Get neighborly with James' and features a pic of Mr. Lileks, trying his best to force a smile, reaching over a prop white picket fence (representing the Backfence apparently) to offer us a measuring cup of what appears to be milk. Perhaps his lack of joy in the photo stems from the fact that his arms seem to be impaled on the fence posts. That may have been the only way they managed to get James to "agree" to the shoot. It is not exactly a Norman Rockwell scene of the friendly neighbor next door. In fact if I was the one on the receiving end of milk I'd be having second thoughts about the wisdom of taking anything from the grim faced neighbor whose sincerity in giving is at best questionable. You know on second thought I don't need that milk after all. Yeah, in fact my wife picked up a carton just today. Sorry to have bothered you James. Well, gotta go.

The text on the left side of the ad invites us to:

Go inside the mind of James Lileks,

And you thought Being John Malkovich was an unusual trip.

whose "Backfence" column is filled with humor, pop culture, and the adventure of everyday life.

Nice build up. And now for the payoff:

Perfect when you need to borrow a cup of quirky.

Honey we're out of quirky again. Can you run next door to the Lileks' and borrow a little? James has plenty to go around.

There are a lot of adjectives that a man doesn't mind being used to describe him. Quirky ain't one of them. Hell, I'd rather be called eccentric than quirky. At least eccentric contains the possibility of genius and even a hint of danger. Quirky implies more of a harmless oddness. In fact one of the definitions of quirky is "a peculiar trait."

So there you have it America. You can spend years toiling in obscurity, finding your inner voice, and refining your writing style. Finally, your talent is recognized and appreciated. You're regarded as one of the best and brightest (at least among the blogosphere). You write syndicated columns, appear on a national talk radio show, put out popular books, and have a thrice a week gig at the daily newspaper in the city that you love. You're on top of the world.

Until you open up said newspaper and see yourself warily extending a measuring cup of milk, with a pained expression on your mug, in an impossible to ignore ad that invites readers to experience your "quirkiness." And you ask yourself if it really is worth it. Maybe it would have been easier to just sell you soul to Satan all those years ago. At least he wouldn't call you quirky.