Our own Atomizer's continuing blood feud with the local avian community is well known. For whatever reason, birds hate him. But luckily for our fine feathered friends, he's a man of great patience. Despite their continuing provocations, he's not been moved to violence. He's held fast to his personal motto of "I only wish to be left alone (with my bottle of gin)" and seems to be willing to take a defensive posture.
But I fear he's only going to allow himself to be pushed so far before he explodes, as evidenced by some of his latest remarks.
I stopped in my tracks and sternly fixed my steely gaze upon the creature, now sitting in the tree high above me, as if to say "WTF?"
Sounds to me like he's a ticking time bomb. How many more smoke breaks and booze runs can be interrupted before he takes justice into his own hands? That I do not know. But before he does anything rash, I hope he reads this cautionary tale from the Star Tribune, entitled: "Man who attacked bird sentenced to community service":
Anthony James Ellis, 53, had been sentenced to 120 days in jail but Orange County Superior Court Judge Susanne Shaw said she would allow him to complete the sentence as community service.
Knowing the Atomizer as I do, he may not care about a mere 120 days in the jug when it comes to a matter of defending his honor. Remember, those birds drew first blood. They're literally taking the cigarettes and beer cans out of his mouth. But apparently there may be more to his punishment than the simple denial of liberty:
Shaw also ruled that Ellis must pay $3,577.26 in restitution for surgery and care of the bird and cannot have pets or consume alcohol during three years of probation.
Oh, cruel justice! To be denied the very sustenance for which he began the fight in the first place. But that's the story of our Atomizer, tragically haunted by irony, damned if he does and damned if he doesn't.
No comments:
Post a Comment